You Don’t Have to Wait Until You’re at a Breaking Point: How to Find Parenting Support That Actually Helps
BY Renee Lackey, MA, NCC, LPC-MHSP (T)
Have you ever found yourself Googling “parenting help near me” in a moment of complete overwhelm—only to feel even worse after reading advice that feels rigid, clinical, or impossibly perfect?
If you’re like most parents I work with, you’ve probably thought: “I just want a space where I can be real—without judgment, without shame, and without someone telling me I’m doing it all wrong.”
Here’s the truth that too few people say out loud:
You don’t have to wait until you’re at your breaking point to get the support you deserve.
You’re Allowed to Get Support
Sometimes, we wait for someone else to notice our struggle. We keep pushing through, thinking that asking for help is a last resort instead of a powerful, loving decision.
Let me say this clearly:
• You are allowed to take up space.
• You are allowed to ask for help.
• You are allowed to get support before you’re at your breaking point.
You don’t have to wait for things to get harder before you choose a new way forward.
Parenting from Connection, Not Perfection
At the core of meaningful, effective parenting is a simple truth: your relationship with your child is far more important than doing everything perfectly. Parenting from a place of connection—rather than perfection—creates the emotional safety children need to grow, learn, and thrive.
Research shows that children’s brains are literally wired through the relationships they experience. Dr. Dan Siegel calls this interpersonal neurobiology—the idea that how we show up in our relationships directly shapes both emotional well-being and brain development. When kids feel safe and connected, the part of their brain responsible for reasoning and self-control (the prefrontal cortex) becomes more accessible, allowing them to regulate their emotions more effectively.
Similarly, Dr. Becky Kennedy reminds us in Good Inside that all children are inherently good, even when their behavior is challenging. Our role as parents isn’t to control or “fix” them, but to meet difficult moments with curiosity, compassion, and firm but loving boundaries.
This isn’t just comforting advice—it’s grounded in hard science. Studies on attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, show that children who experience secure attachment with caregivers develop greater resilience, stronger emotional regulation skills, and healthier relationships throughout their lives.
And the most beautiful part? Secure attachment doesn’t require perfection. It’s built through repeated moments of connection—especially after mistakes and moments of rupture.
But why does connection matter so much?
Together, these teachings remind us that:
• Your child’s behavior is communication, not defiance.
• Emotional safety and connection are the foundation for real behavior change.
• You can hold firm boundaries and remain deeply connected to your child.
• And most importantly—you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.
This Isn’t Theoretical—It’s Real Life
Just the other morning, my 14-month-old wanted a banana—but we were completely out. I showed her the empty fruit bowl and gently told her, “We don’t have any bananas right now.” The moment she realized it, she melted down into full-body sobs.
My first instinct? Try to distract her or scramble for a quick fix. But I remembered: This isn’t a problem to solve; it’s a feeling to hold.
So I sat on the floor with her, held her close, and gently said, “You really wanted a banana, and we don’t have any. That’s really hard.” She cried for a bit longer, but eventually softened. No fixing. No distraction. Just connection.
And when she was ready, we went on to have some blueberries instead.
And last week, with my 7-year-old, bedtime turned into a battlefield. I snapped. Later, sitting in the quiet house, the mom guilt crept in. But the next morning, I practiced what we teach in this group—I repaired: “I was really grumpy last night. I’m sorry I yelled. You didn’t deserve that.”
His little shoulders relaxed. That moment didn’t erase the hard, but it rebuilt the trust.
This is the real, imperfect, healing work of parenting.
What You'll Gain from the Connected Parenting Circle
In my own parenting journey and through the countless conversations I’ve had with parents in my practice, one theme continues to surface: lasting change doesn’t come from doing things perfectly—it comes from building stronger, more connected relationships with our children.
This belief has inspired me to recently start the Connected Parenting Circle, a space where parents can come together to explore this powerful, research-backed approach.
In this circle, we blend science with compassion to provide practical tools and real-world support for the daily challenges of parenting.
You’ll learn how to:
• Regulate Your Own Nervous System: Manage your stress responses so you can co-regulate with your child effectively, even in emotionally charged moments.
• Understand Rupture and Repair: Discover the transformative power of acknowledging mistakes and reconnecting with your child, which is far more impactful than striving for perfection.
• Set Loving Boundaries Without Power Struggles: Learn strategies that honor both your child’s needs and your own, creating a balanced and respectful dynamic.
• Explore How Your Childhood Shapes Your Parenting: Reflect on how your own upbringing influences your responses today, and make conscious, intentional choices moving forward.
• Apply Tools from Dr. Siegel and Dr. Kennedy: Use evidence-based techniques to stay connected with your child during even the toughest moments, drawing directly from the work of The Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, and Good Inside.
We also dive into scenarios that reflect real parenting moments, practicing how to navigate situations like:
• “What do I do when my child screams, ‘I hate you!’?”
• “How do I stay calm when I feel completely triggered?”
Each session includes time for live Q&A. You’re welcome to bring your questions—or simply listen and absorb. And most importantly, come exactly as you are. Whether you’re listening quietly from your car, folding laundry, or lying in bed, you don’t have to show up perfectly. You just have to show up.
You Don’t Have to Earn Support by Struggling
If no one has said this to you yet today:
You’re already a good parent. And you’re allowed to make it easier on yourself.
Parenting is hard work—but you don’t have to do it alone. Support, relief, and real connection are closer than you think. If you’ve been longing for a space where you feel seen, understood, and equipped with practical tools to handle the hardest moments, I invite you to join us.
That’s why I’m offering the first two sessions of the Connected Parenting Circle completely free—no pressure, no commitment. Just an open door and a chance to see if this space feels like the support you’ve been searching for.
Call or text: (615) 861-9977
Email: therapywithrenee@proton.me
You don’t have to wait for someone else to meet your needs. You can choose to meet them yourself.
References:
• Kennedy, B. (2022). Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. Harper Wave.
• Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. Delacorte Press.
• Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. Bantam Books.
About the Author:
Renee Lackey, MA, NCC, LPC-MHSP (T), is a pre-licensed professional based in Brentwood, Tennessee, specializing in trauma-informed therapy for children, adolescents, parents, and families. With a Master’s degree in Counseling from Northwestern University, she integrates evidence-based approaches to help clients develop healthier coping strategies, improve emotional regulation, and strengthen relationships when facing anxiety, grief, divorce, and behavioral challenges. Renee emphasizes building trust and emotional regulation, guiding parents from power struggles to co-regulation, and fostering resilience in children. Her practice offers both in-person and online sessions, providing a safe and supportive environment for healing and growth.