Rest is Not Just a Nap: All the Ways We Need to Access Rest in Our Lives

Written by Carla Ponciroli Babb, Eds, LPC-MHSP

Rest.  

What does the idea of Rest look like for you? 

So often we can focus on the actual act of sleeping – like noticing when our eyes are drowsy and recognizing we are in need of an actual bed with an actual pillow and long hours to just deeply sleep.  So why then do we often wake up from this type of Rest not feeling rested?  

I think it comes down to the fact that this isn’t the only type of Rest we are in dire need of and so many of us regularly ignore or don’t notice all of the ways that our bodies, minds and nervous systems need rest.  

If we wait until the drowsy eyes cue us to turn off the tv and make our way to a bed to sleep we have usually paid attention too late to needs that aren’t always talked about or prioritized.  If we start paying attention to the way we engage when we are awake – we can find some information on a variety of different ways that rest can actually fill us back up, recharge us and energize us. 

I want you to consider being curious about what is happening to you for clues to what you actually need.  And to do that we need to have access to how we feel about our experiences in our lives.  

First up – lets talk about Time Away as an opportunity for Rest.  If I am in a high demand job and my hours are pretty set with lots of activity through a typical day then time away from that role could offer some important aspects that could feel like Rest.  But only if I am carefully looking at what I might need in that time away.  If my mind is busy in the work of my career then my time away might need to offer a way for my mind to focus on something else that is calming and soothing.  Otherwise, I run the risk of my busy mind just following me to that restful time away and I come back not feeling rested.  Time away sometimes looks like taking a vacation away from home – but if my busy career gets exchanged for a busy parent role when I am away then that time away may not be restful.  

If I can get really clear on what I am feeling, what those drivers are and what I need – I can create a Time Away plan that actually could fill me back up.  It might mean that on a week away with my family I plan for a few afternoons of time away from even them if that is possible so that I can feel the gift of that solo time to recharge and rest in a way that may not be possible with everyone around. 

Another type of Rest is taking a break from the roles we play in our relationships.  Maybe I am known as a helper in my family or in my friend group.  If I am often sought out to help in a variety of different ways and the people around me have come to depend on me to be responsive to their needs – then the likelihood is that I may not have a practice of first checking in with myself before I say yes to helping someone else.  

It may be that my sense of self worth is tied to others appreciating how helpful I am so even when I am tired – I might push through to help so that they feel good and that they feel good about me too.  

What might it be like to check this out for yourself – to just be curious without judgment around your own motivation for helping and for your own needs around boundaries.  The question I offer my counseling clients is “what if you asked yourself – Do I have that to give?”  Do you have that to give without resentment?  Do you have that to give without it costing you something in time and resources?  Do you have that to give without paying for it later because you went past your own boundaries?  If we said no to some of the roles that may be so routine that we don’t think about them anymore – we could build in some Rest so that when we DO have that to give later we can pick that role back up.  

A third type of Rest is finding something that is completely unproductive to do.  Think about the culture we live in that rewards so much productivity.  We can easily slip into a weekend that is full of “getting things done” which could feel like the opposite of Rest.  Now I am not advocating for never getting off your couch – but with balance, what kind of rest does your mind feel when you do something that doesn’t require you to be creative, problem solve or create a plan.  

That rested mind might play solitaire, or watch a movie, or simply lay in the grass and watch the clouds for a bit.  The REST we get out of allowing our brain to settle down, to stop flipping through all the checklists that can be never ending if we allow them to be, can allow for a rejuvenated brain that is ready to tackle that next productive thing – after we REST.  

The next way to rest includes you getting some hiking shoes on.  Rest from all the energy and busyness of the world comes when we move away from the asphalt and buildings and move toward grass, trees, streams, and the noises of the woods.  Get out in nature.  There is a term for this kind of rest: “Forest Bathing.” 

It has been proven to reduce stress hormones, to help you co-regulate with the sounds and the feelings of the natural world around you, to lower your heart rate and blood pressure.  Now this isn’t a nap is it… but to be active and walk into nature does act like a nap to your nervous system and with that kind of rest – you have the capacity to re-enter your world rejuvenated in a new way. 

The final way to find Rest is to consider where you feel the most safe in your life.  Safe can mean a lot of different things but ultimately it means free from harm.  So do you have a high conflict work setting that is going to keep your nervous system charged to be able to attend to any raised voices or anger that you will need to respond to?  Or do you have a home setting that feels unsafe in allowing you to be fully you – that there is an expectation that you play a part or a role to get approval or acceptance.  It isn’t necessarily that you are unsafe physically – but that you may not be free of judgment or criticism which absolutely impacts how we experience stress and tension in our nervous system.  

With this concept in mind – consider paying attention to the systems you enter into over a typical week.  Notice if your heart rate is a little high and why it might be affected.  Pay attention to moments when you feel like you are sitting with a resting heart rate and why that might be affected.  Watch for moments when you feel like you are careful or selective about what you say or how you express… all these things lead to a feeling of being unsafe to just be authentically you.  

And then the work is – finding places and spaces where you are safe to just be you.  Rest can be found in a solo walk where you don’t have to be anything for anyone.  Rest might be that you plan to spend more time in spaces where you can be more fully you.  The key to unpacking this area of your life is to stay curious – the information is there if you can train yourself to pay attention to it and then respond to those needs. 
Rest is a universal Need for everyone.  As you sift through these ideas, my hope is you will find a few that fit for you and that you can experience a shift in how you feel in your body and how you move through your life.  So many of us are experiencing a re-learning about our own needs and how to value them and a de-shaming around what we have often been taught about our needs.  You deserve to have Rest in your life. 

Written by Carla Ponciroli Babb, Eds, LPC-MHSP