Three Proven Things You Need To Heal After a Traumatic Event

In a previous article, “You May Have High-Functioning PTSD if…” , we talked about the signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress in everyday life. The stress of trying to make sense of a terrible event - and living with the aftershock - can be overwhelming. It can feel like you’re trapped all over again.

We don’t want that for you. You don’t want that for you.

You want an answer, a change. That’s where we have good news for you.

We know that we need three things after a traumatic event to heal:

1. Empathy

2. A non-judgemental space

3. “Felt” safety (actually feeling & believing in your body that you are now safe).

If you’ve experienced an assault, trauma, or have witnessed a terrible event that left you feeling powerless, scared, confused, overwhelmed and unable to cope...Here’s what to do:

1. Reach out & find a non-judgmental space where you can process your feelings.

A local support group or therapist that specializes in trauma work would be the best place to go. Some suggestions might be finding an Eye-Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) therapist, someone who works with trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT), or other trauma-informed modalities

2. Let non-trained people know how they can help you.

Empathy is difficult for a lot of people! They may love you so much that they’ll want to “fix” the situation so you feel better. Don’t hold it against them… but instead, be upfront about what you need. Ask if they are available for a tough conversation, and then say, “I don’t want you to fix anything, I just want you to be here with me and listen.” The truth is, they still may try to fix it. Or they may say something insensitive because they don’t know what to say. Worse, they may say nothing, because they don’t want to risk saying the “wrong thing”.

Coach them. Say, “All I need you to say is, ‘that sounds really hard, what can I do to help’, and let me cry. Even cry with me if you want. Check in on me and ask me how I’m doing… and don’t be surprised if I don’t answer. That’s how you can help me.”

If someone you love comes to you to talk about what they have experienced, here’s what to do:

1. Practice empathy by reaching deep down in your own heart. You may never have experienced something like that, but wonder what it would be like for YOU to have experienced something that left you feeling powerless, scared, confused, overwhelmed. What would you want someone to say to you in that situation? Just be there for them, that’s it.

2. Listen with curiosity, respect, and compassion.

That’s right, no judgement. Let them tell you their story, and then say, “I don’t even know what to say, but I’m glad you told me”.

3. Help them feel safe by not asserting your own “stuff” in their space.

Be kind & gentle in your tone, with your body language, and don’t be aggressive. You can be mad as heck with the attacker or circumstances that happened. But the person sitting in front of you is even more mad, upset, and scared about it. Don't try to fix, just try to hold or be in that space with them.

4. Refer out!

You are not a therapist! (And if you are, you’re not their therapist!) Ask your friend how you can help them get connected to a professional, and what they might need to feel safe and comfortable talking to someone else who is trained in helping people process these things. If you ever feel ill-equipped, then I want to remind you… you probably are! And that’s ok. There are trained professionals that are literally passionate about helping people process terrible things and find healing. Reassure your friend they are not alone, but don’t try to be their savior. Refer, refer, refer!

This may sound obvious, but we have an opportunity here. We can provide people the safe, empathic, non-judgmental space they need. And we can direct them to where they need to get help.

If you feel like you or a loved one can relate to this article, please pass it along to them! We want everyone to know there ARE ways to heal, and finding those three things (empathy, non-judgement, and a safe space) are the three most important ingredients to begin healing after a traumatic event.

And good news, it’s never too late for healing.

Reach out to us on our website at www.ccgtherapy.org to have a trained counselor reach out to you. You don’t have to do this alone.